Diving In.

5175c108e0656557ee384cf109346a6eI got a rejection letter yesterday. It was from a prestigious law firm that I applied to a few weeks ago. The letter was all of two lines and addressed me as “Mr.” For a split second I was sad about it (and slightly angry at my parents for giving me a unisex name), but then I felt a huge wave of relief. It’s no secret that I have no desire to be a lawyer. I’m just happy that I graduated from law school. Everything inside of me knows that the legal profession is not where I’m called to be, but I still find myself taking steps toward it. I’m not sure if it’s pressure from family and friends or pressure I put on myself (probably both), but I feel obligated to follow through with it sometimes. And each and every time I try to follow through, it doesn’t feel right and ultimately something stops me. How long is it going to take me to realize that I’m swimming in the wrong direction?

I have big dreams for this blog and for my writing. So big and exciting, in fact, that I find myself ignoring them. I’ve even been ignoring the blog because, when I sit down to write, those dreams taunt me. I know that I could be doing so much more, but I’m afraid. Those dreams are too scary, too risky, too expensive, the list goes on. But what if those dreams were planted in me by God? (they were.) What if He already has a plan mapped out? (He does.) What exactly am I waiting for?

Over the next few months, I’m really challenging myself to step out on faith, dive into deeper waters than I’ve ever been in, and trust that God (and my sweet husband) will help me figure this out. I’m also challenging myself to be diligent and to work hard. My brain has been out of “school mode” for almost a year now and I’ve found that it’s difficult for me to set goals and work towards them for myself. I’m so used to answering to professors and working hard for grades and a degree. Now it’s time to answer to, and work hard for, myself.

The thing about being a writer (or a painter, designer, etc.), is that when you first start out, there’s no one there giving you assignments or offering you payment for services they haven’t yet seen. It’s just you and your computer (or pencils or paint or sewing machine). You have to show up everyday and wait for the inspiration to strike, for the words to come, and for something to take shape. You have to start and restart, type and erase, try and try again. It’s a process without a definite end result. It’s hard and beautiful and honest and crazy. And it’s important. It’s important for me and it’s important for the people who will one day read my words.

So I’ve made up my mind: I’m diving all the way into these dreams and I’m not turning around no matter how frightening they may be. I’m excited to look back on this post a year, three years and five years down the road. I know that I will have grown as a woman and in my faith. I know that I will be writing for so many more women and that this space will have become a community. And I know that I will be more than happy with my decision.

Thank you in advance for taking this journey with me!

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17 Comments on Diving In.

  1. Nadia Davis
    April 27, 2015 at 3:25 pm (2 years ago)

    I absolutely love this. I struggle with the exact same thing! Not believing that what God has for me and what I’m called to do is enough. Always thinking I should be doing more. I support you 100 percent! Everything definitely happens for a reason, & we just have to trust in the lord. Proverbs 3:5 — “trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on our own understanding.” Love you <3

    Reply
  2. Robin Lillis
    April 27, 2015 at 3:38 pm (2 years ago)

    So beautiful…your doubts are the devil…dont let him cloud your true calling and passion…you got this Mrs. Jerrell Everett

    Reply
    • Isabella
      January 18, 2017 at 8:01 am (9 months ago)

      Please teach the rest of these internet holgnoais how to write and research!

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      February 9, 2017 at 6:43 pm (8 months ago)

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  3. DaNae
    April 27, 2015 at 4:02 pm (2 years ago)

    JERRELL!!!!!!! Thank you so much for posting this!!! I love this blog so much and am so blessed by your faith and know that the Lord is and will do amazing things through you. Please count on me to hold you accountable as I look forward to your posts ;-). Love you sis!!

    Reply
  4. Tynene
    April 27, 2015 at 4:05 pm (2 years ago)

    Jerrell
    The struggle is real! Rejection is detour to something much bigger and much better. That law firm is no more ready for you than you are for them. Before a person learns to swim or dive into the water, they have to overcome the fear of what will happen to them once they do it. Will I drown? Will I flail my arms in the water trying to stay above the water so that I can breathe? Or…will I dive to the bottom, explore what’s there and rise to the top? Your calling is right there in front of you and at the right moment(the moment that God has chosen) it will be revealed to you. You can’t always choose what others think is the right thing but it has to be right for you. Pray on it and peace will come.

    Reply
  5. Angel
    April 27, 2015 at 4:51 pm (2 years ago)

    This post is everything!!!

    Reply
  6. janna
    April 27, 2015 at 5:04 pm (2 years ago)

    My mom gave me great advice not too long ago about knowing which direction to go in: you know where you’re supposed to be by the place that brings you the most peace. It’s not about what you “should” be doing. Because that “should” is usually imposed by outside noise. If the feeling of publishing a new post and interacting with your audience is what brings you joy and peace, you know that’s for you. (I know it is for me) So ignore the outside noise and go the way your blood flows (got that from James Baldwin lol).

    Love your blog. Keep it up!

    J.

    Reply
  7. Tiara
    April 27, 2015 at 7:10 pm (2 years ago)

    This is so inspiring. I’ve spent the past two years bouncing around from position to position trying to make this “career” choice work because it is the grown up thing to do all the while knowing that I will never truly be happy here. It was your original blog that inspired me to start blogging/writing, and I eventually let it go, but kept jotting things down in my journal. The voice in my head keeps telling me that there is something more out there, but the pressures to pay bills, eat and live are SO BIG. That I keep ignoring them. This post is definitely positive reinforcement! Thanks for sharing!

    Reply
  8. Jewell
    April 27, 2015 at 9:18 pm (2 years ago)

    You’ve totally got this!!!!!

    Xoxo,
    Mom

    Reply
  9. Marjorie
    April 28, 2015 at 2:07 am (2 years ago)

    Hi sweeti
    What and awesome blog. I say follow your heart and your dreams will come true. Our Lord says HE will give us the desires of our heart.
    Mind was to be a stay at home wife and mother and 44 years later it’s still my desire and HE has truly Bless me in my decision.
    HE will Bless you too.
    Hugs

    Reply
  10. Gabrielle
    April 28, 2015 at 3:11 am (2 years ago)

    Your writings are ageless, your transparency inspiring and your courage growing daily. God will honor it all! Keep writing! I love you! You are a sweetheart!

    Reply
  11. Janice
    May 1, 2015 at 10:57 am (2 years ago)

    Jerrell, YOU are positioned for such a time as this! You are designed “on purpose!” So, do as you are doing – by faith, continue to move into deeper waters for you have MUCH to give!

    Reply
  12. holly green
    May 5, 2015 at 7:07 pm (2 years ago)

    Good luck my darling baby cousin!! It made my heart skip beats to see written what my head and heart battle on all the time. Follow your passion,no one has EVER looked back and regretted following a dream or passion BUT they do look back and wish they had jumped into the unknown or taken more risk. some people are blessed to live life within neat, structured lines and a few of us live life with the most color,chaos, take 5 steps foward to come back 2 ;)

    Reply
  13. Skip
    January 18, 2017 at 7:51 am (9 months ago)

    Thanks for shrniag. What a pleasure to read!

    Reply
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